You know what- I just typed a whole blog here about something rather ridiculous. Then I went to hit save and SOMEHOW all of my text dissappeared, ALL OF IT, vanished. I have tried various things to recover it, such as the 'recover post' link, and ''select all'' , I even tried paste in case I copied and pasted inadvertently. However, nothing has worked and I was left staring at a blank entry. How sad. The more sad issue at hand is that I have absolutely NO desire to sit and type it all over again and right now my creative flow has just been spent....and then erased. It will just have to wait until tomorrow...Right now I am at my mom's house where my brother is googling ''pool toys'' because they want a remote control beverage holder for the pool. Do I really need to point out how many things are WRONG about that??? You have the luxury of a swimming pool in your yard and you can't even SWIM your lazy a$$ to the damn DECK to get a drink...or HEAVEN FORBID you get OUT of the pool to get a sip of something. And it's remote CONTROLLED, you have to WALK to whatever DRY spot you have kept it because I dont think you'll have any pockets on you! Why not just walk to the COOLER? I couldn't make my mom and him understand just how silly this was. Why can't it even just be a floating beverage holder...that wouldn't be so bad...then you could swim to it or maybe even wait for it to float to you....but remote controlled? I just hate it. My pick from the pool toy website was the Water Wheel which was a giant inflatable hamster wheel contraption that sits atop the water. At least what ever company created that is being a little bit more blunt about what it is exactly that they think about the average consumer.
We will buy ANYTHING.

When the tides of life turn against you and the current upsets your boat, don't waste those tears on what might have been, just lie on your back and float."- Unknown

Last night upon arriving home I recieved....the key. The KEY to the lake that we are now ''members'' of due to us living in a lakefront community! I was happy about this key...I flipped it over and over in my hand and inspected it...as if I expected to see some proof that it was in fact a key to ...the LAKE, as opposed to, say, a tool shed. I didn't hear waves when I pressed the key to my ear, nor did I smell a barbecue while holding it in my hand. It's just a plan old key. Not even particulary pretty. Rather, it's kind of dull and ugly. But OH..this could be the key to my summer happiness, I tell you. I cannot WAIT to take the 3 minute walk down to the lake...USE MY KEY , and enter the quaint little world of ''private beach membership''.

Now , let me get you up to speed. Upon finding out that we were moving to this house and recieving ''beach priviledges" (thank u very much) - I decided we should get a boat. D, always the realist, shot this idea down quickly. I explained to him how fun it would be and how many weekends and days we could just spend at home, saving money, in our own little neighborhood, playing around on our boat! Now mind you, this is a lake, a pretty big lake really, but a lake no less. It's not like I was expecting a YACHT.

Well, not a HUGE yacht anyways (see above)

So after I explain how nice it would be to go stroll down to the beach and get on our boat and just lounge around sipping wine and coronas and listening to music and just enjoying our BEACH PRIVILEDGES...he says, ''Yeah, your right, maybe."

YES! I think.

"Only if we get paddleboats" he adds with a huge smile and excited kiss.

Uh, Paddle boats? Excuse me?

Don't get me wrong...I'm all for paddle-boatin'. When I'm at Quassy...or something. But not my D, he loves the idea. Is ALL FOR the idea. The thing is, paddle boats...that's like WORK. I was intending for the boat time to be relaxation time...(Think: Me and a corona swaying to the tunes of 'Margaritaville' on the VERY SMALL space of my very small NOT-A-YACHT.)

It was not supposed to be ...pump your legs and sweat your ass off trying to get around the lake, just so that you can dread every second of it and wish for the end to be near so that you can climb off this god-forsaken paddle contraption and go home.

If you ask me, I caved on the Harley...MUST I do the paddle boat too??

Alas, after thinking about it for some time I came up with some conclusions...

One, I need the exercize and what a great way to get it. Two, it's a boat for crying out loud and Three...if we HAVE to have a paddleboat, I fully intend for it to be one OUTSTANDING Paddle Boat !!! That way we can be ''the couple with the pink flamingo paddle boat" or ''the couple that rides around on the bunny shaped paddle boat" Hell, I am REALLY liking the Dragon Paddle Boats (see way above)- now THAT is paddle-boatin' in style. Can you just see us now? Out on the lake, sun in the sky, wind in our faces...paddling around the lake...on THAT snazzy dragon? I'm thinkin' that's the Lamborghini of Paddle Boats yanno?

And hey...if I'm not getting a yacht?? Then he should have to paddle his a$$ around in a damn Dragon!

Fear is an emotion indispensable for survival. -Hannah Arendt

K so...apparantly it's THAT time of year again. You know ... ''THAT'' time.
That time of year where the words that paralyze me with fear the most are...always said by someone who knows me well, in a slow steady tone..."Stace- DON'T. MOVE."
That's right - it's SPIDER time. Perhaps you call it Spring time...whatever the case may be...as much as I adore the warm weather and bare-footedness of these months...along with all the hot dogs (and saurkraut- teehee TDG) and all the night swimming and fun summer activities and coronas...comes SPIDERS. There is NOTHING in the whole wide world that makes me quite as squeamish as these vile little monsters. Lemme tell you, when these clever people inform me not to ''move'' and to ''stay still'' while they dispose of some spider lurking nearby that they happened to notice before I did. Which by the way, why do other people ALWAYS see them before me ? And secondly...why are there always spiders lurking near me?!!? Seriously, come on. Anyways, moving along...everytime someone tells me to hold still while they dispose of the spider...it doesn't work out that way. I cannot SIT STILL while there is some creature crawling about GOD KNOWS WHERE and I trust some fool (ie:friend, boyfriend, family memeber, co-worker) to put my fate in their hands. So I do what any sensible person would do.
I run. I run like HELL and I cry...oh BOY do I cry. I mean...tears. I've been known to vomit...and as much as I thoroughly HATE to admit this...I cannot lie to my own BLOG...sometimes I may even pee. :( You see, spider season is a HUGE problem for me. I once was at a restaurant/bar with a friend who noticed a spider dangling from a web near my ear. Her eyes darted back and forth from my eyes- to a space just a few inches from my head and above my ear. I caught her eyes with mine and she grew wide eyed with terror. She is not afraid of spiders...she just knew that I knew. "Stacey, DON'T MOVE!" As if that were my cue...I FLED. I ran from the balcony, through the dancefloor, across the pool room and straight into the ladies room. What I did in there may shock you. I locked myself in a stall and proceeded to strip. Down to my underwear! I threw all the clothing over the top of the stall to my friend, who was catching it all and shaking it out for me. Once we were sure the spider hadn't somehow made its way into my clothing, I got dressed again. Then I had to comb through my entire head of hair to be sure it wasn't hiding there either. The point to this story is just...I hate spiders. HATE.THEM. I've been dreading the impending doom that spring brings with it for me. And the other night I heard one of the phrases I most dread...'oh. my. GOD. Stacey come here!" I hesitated but figured...oh, the dear sweet love of my life wouldn't do that to me!
I was wrong. As I edged closer to the bedroom door, there he stood. Pointing to the wall and kind of bouncing up in down in excitement with an evil smile on his face.
Me?
I ran.
Spring is here!!
:)

Well, I'm lookin' for a dream on a mean machine with hell in his eyes...

SO, my ''Not-So-Biker-type'' boyfriend went out and bought...a Harley. And although I often participate in hobbies that do not include him in any way...for example I've never made him read a book alongside me or attend a scrapbooking event...for some reason, his new purchase is throwing me into the unfamiliar world of ...BIKER CHICK. Now, in his defense I have to say that I am very flattered that he is so excited about all the wonderful and fun new places we can go on this bike, and I find it very endearing that he prefers to ride it with me on it rather than alone...(or with an authentic biker chick on it, I might add) however, that does not change the fact that I simply cannot participate 100% the way he wants me too. He bought me a leather jacket, in April. I appreciate that he bought it of course, he didn't have too and it is nice...but ...its APRIL.He wants me to wear headbands and black boots and whatnot...in MAY. HELLO? This is my time for pedicures and flip-flops...does he not know me at ALL?? I've spent the past few months longing for the days of capris and sandals and short sleeve shirts...and now I've got big black boots and a black leather jacket!! This would all work out so much better if it was a winter activity. Obviously, it's not. It would also help if he didn't look so damned GOOD in all of his biker attire. I, on the other hand, look like white trash stuck in the 80s. I feel like I'm on my way to a Pat Benatar concert and the only thing that makes me willing to do it again is how happy he looks when I climb on the bike with him. *LeSigh* The things we do for people....I wonder if he would be just as willing to slip on some khakis, a sweater, some wire rimmed glasses and join a reading group with me. Yeah, don't think so. Then I realize, I wouldn't WANT him to join a book club with me. HELL, I don't even want to join a book club. But on the off chance that I did. I wouldn't want to go with him. I'm glad that he doesn't have this attitude about his time on the bike...I'm glad that for whatever reason, he still wants me behind him. I'm not sure if its the way that I always ''remind'' him to slow down, or maybe its the way I whimper in his ear when faced with oncoming cars. It might even be the way I swear everytime we go over a bump and my "bottom half" is engulfed in pain. Whatever the reason, I've realized I'm GLAD I'm welcome with him, even if it's NOT my favorite thing to do and even if my pedicures WILL be hidden...it's okay, I'm learning to enjoy it.
Alot faster than I'd be learning to enjoy the summer alone while my boyfriend was off on his bike..
What's a girl to do?

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. -George Bernard Shaw

How do you know just exactly what you wish to become? It's not like I can just pick...princess or unicorn. We're all born into a body and a life with a name and an agenda. Having it in your hands to do whatever you want with...what a horrifying thing! But then, my grandmother...she scrapbooks all of our lives. Her life, my mothers life, my life, my brothers life...you get the picture. She takes pictures of moments that you might not have noticed were beautiful...if they hadn't been captured forever. So maybe I can plan out my scrapbook...how I want the pages towards the end to look...and then take it from there. REGARDLESS....I feel good that I will be writing here and ranting and raving and complaining, etc. etc.. It feels good to have someplace that's all about what STACEY wants to talk about. How self serving right??....deal with it.